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Today in the mail I received no fewer than three of these flyers:

This calls to mind an equal number of questions.

• Was one of these flyers not enough to secure my interest in a Boom Boom Huckjam?
• What, in the name of of God’s green Earth, is a Boom Boom Huckjam?
• Why are these being sent to me in the first place?

Truly questions for the ages. Luckily, I have some time on my hands, so I can get to answering them now.

The answer to the first question is: of course not! Obviously I wouldn’t even be writing this if I hadn’t gotten three extreme postcards for this extreme event with the extreme name! Boom Boom Huckjam indeed! How can I not attend such an event? I am completely unable to resist promotional materials featuring two skaters, one of which may be illustrated. If I had gotten only two of these cards though, I probably wouldn’t have cared, as they wouldn’t be taking into consideration that at some point in the future I may spontaneously grow a third eye! I just can’t take the chance that in this highly improbable situation, all three of my eyes wouldn’t be filled with the glory of extreme abbreviations and marketing tie-ins.

Now that I am hell bent on going to a Boom Boom Huckjam, I should probably find out what I’m getting myself into. I’ll just hop on over to Wikipedia and see what they say. Ah-! According to them, there is no such thing as a Boom Boom Huckjam. So, it’s nothing. It shouldn’t cost too much to attend, then.

The final quandary is a tougher nut to crack, a harder onion to peel, and more difficult food metaphor to cope with. Why am I getting BBHj invitations at all? Is there something about my age bracket that just screams extreme sports? And if so, could it kindly be quieter, it’s late and I’m trying to type. I am well aware that credit card companies sell your personal information and spending habits to the highest bidder or any old homeless guy that wanders in looking for vodka, but I can’t think of anything I have purchased that justifies Huckjam ads or this poorly written sentence. Wait a minute, there’s something I missed! This is Tony Hawk’s Boom Boom Huckjam! I didn’t recognize him with the helmet and the ravages of age, nor could I make out the extreme font very well. I suppose I have purchased a few Tony Hawk games in my day, somewhere around… all of them. It all makes sense now. Except for the title of this post, which betrays the fact that I knew Hawk was there all along… or does it? I’ll leave that question for another age.