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On this, the last day of NaNoWriMo, I am bringing closure to The Dan Brown Code, the novel that was not meant to be, by offering DVD-like extra features and deleted scenes.

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Time to throw in the towel. There will be no last minute rallying this year. By this time last year I had written well more than twice the words. Plus, despite thinking it a ridiculous notion, the characters actually took on a life of their own in Megalomania! and helped push the story along. Their personalities evolved naturally, and dictated their actions in the situations I created.

The Dan Brown Code was a flimsy idea based on my flimsy understanding of mystery novels and the utter inability to just let wacky things happen and move on. The reason Megalomania! works (as the overall concept of a story, if not the exact words I wrote) is because of its structure and adherence to “reality,” the very same two things that make The Dan Brown Code a colossal failure. But I’m not too upset. I had no drive to see Richard and Holly to the end of their story.

I’ll just chalk this up to the nature of NaNoWriMo. I’ve seen many people who succeeded one year only to fail the next. Though the reasons differ, I think a lot of it is overconfidence. Of course I can write a novel this year! I did last year, didn’t I? The third year in the sequence will see a return to success, however. I know I can do it (Megalomania!) and I know what not to do (The Dan Brown Code). Besides, this means that there’s one less novel of mine for people not to read.

I’ve come to realize that I have broken that most simple of rules, “write what you know.” I don’t know mystery, that much is clear. Suspense and intrigue are also foreign. Also, as predicted, the concept has drifted from “parody sort of thing” to “amusing adventure sort of thing” which is getting dangerously close to “fan fiction.” It was okay for Megalomania! to drift from its comedic roots and become an adventure, because the characters existed in a universe of my creation for the sake of doing whatever I told them to do. By including a real person, I am left in an awkward state. If done correctly, I have something like a Being John Malkovich. If not, I’m left with a Stephen Colbert and the Time Machine, Part 1.

I think I’m going to take the adventure and run with it, and maybe even try to tack on some silly. That is, if I even have any hope of finishing at all. So far behind…

So, yeah. It’s time to stop using my progress last year as a crutch and start writing like I should. I know that I can magically whip up the words I need by the end of the month, but I don’t want to do that. It is now my goal to write either 2200 words a day for the rest of the month, or be at 22,000 words by the end of Sunday, which will put me back on track for the standard 1667 words a day. I know that I said something like this last week, but this time I’ll do it. We supposedly get part of the day off of work tomorrow, so that will help.

My characters are all stuck in ruts, it seems. I know that exciting things will happen to them, but they’re just sort of milling about waiting for me to get them there. Maybe I should take a cue from Dan Brown and make little bite-sized chapters. Or not.

Oh, this is not going well. Conventional math says that I need about 7500 more words to be on schedule. Non-conventional math says that I’m over √56y(Ө⅛) words behind, which may not be as bad but looks a lot more intimidating. To help myself feel better, here is the first paragraph of my novel translated into Spanish, then back to English.

Murder. It was always the murder. It was never a braided kitten, or perhaps an accident of the hornada one. The firemen generally inside for the kittens were called, although, and the assassins were not generally great in merchandise cooked to the furnace. Of course, they had to eat at a certain point, but they ate probably something smooth like tofu or the British food. The dessert would consist of empanada of the apple… a murder of. But mainly empanada. Man, he was hungry. The detective reached closest in the car of the squadron to call after the reserve in the form of pies.

I’ve hit what you might call “a wall.” By Sunday midnight I need to have 10,000 words written to be anywhere near on track. Looking back at last year, though, I’m actually a bit ahead of my progress, so that’s something.

After a bit of creative rearranging, the first and sixth words of my novel are now “murder,” and Detective Delano “PT” Planine-Troiani is on the case. This has the unfortunate side effect of creating three sets of characters, much like last year’s novel, a situation I was trying to avoid. To make it seem less like a total ripoff of last year, I will not be pairing the detective up with anyone. He’s a loose cannon who doesn’t play by the rules in the corrupt precinct of a city gone mad. Or not. Besides good ol’ PT, we have:

• Richard Hunter: aspiring writer, Dan Brown fan
• Holly von Grall: free-lance reporter trying to get her big break
• Stanley Sykes: obnoxious creative writing coach, bad author

As well as your usual collection of minor characters like Sal, the grizzled crime scene investigator and Bramlet Abercrombie, the uh… Australian zeppelin pilot with a heart of gold? I just want to use that name for someone, at least. Anyway, I’ve uploaded the first chapter to my NaNo profile page for perusal, if you’re so inclined.

For some reason, this seems harder than last year. I’m bored with my characters and the story is going nowhere fast. You might say that I’m expecting too much; I’m not that far into the novel yet. But last year by this word count two planets had already been taken over! Thus far in The Dan Brown Code we’ve discovered that our main character uses his laptop on a folding chair because he doesn’t have a desk. Now which one grabs you and makes you want to read more, hm? Don’t say the chair one. Because that’s wrong.

Also, my style seems to be suffering. I really like how I wrote Megalomania! barring a few awkward parts that a little editing could fix. Now my narration just seems clunky and unwieldy. I read a bit of The Da Vinci Code to see if I could lift Brown’s style for comedic effect, but all that did was make me realize he has no style. Aside from chapter breaks every three pages, which really doesn’t count.

I’m going to try writing on my laptop for a bit. Maybe the increasingly uncomfortable heat it generates in my lap will spur me on to writing greatness.